I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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