i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize