So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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