Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
