yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
