I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
