I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
