I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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