Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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