But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize