She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
