Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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