dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
