how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
