Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was CRYING into my vagina
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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