she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
