I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
