I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
