From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
