doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
