the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
