so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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