Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
