I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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