dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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