this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
