I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
