I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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