my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
