the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
