so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
