Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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