Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
