Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
