Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I smell stomach acid.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
