I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
