the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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