i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
