Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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