Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
