I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
