Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
