The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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