I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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