Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
oh god was she eating orange peels again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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