tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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