my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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