Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk is not a location!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
