I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
