apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
