i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize