apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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