What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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