3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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