i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
