That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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