GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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