I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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