I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
