The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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