so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Church boner. Awkwardddd
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
