She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
