I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
id be glad to
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
