Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
