I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
