Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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