I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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